


Misunderstood

by Spillingvelvet



Series: Misunderstood [1]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-18
Updated: 2010-01-18
Packaged: 2017-10-06 11:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spillingvelvet/pseuds/Spillingvelvet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A comedy of errors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter beta'd by someone else - to each of whom I am eternally grateful.

Elijah ripped his wig off forcefully, ignoring the cluck of disgust from the woman holding the comb, and thrust his foot in the prosthetic-man's face.

"I'm in a real shitty mood, man, so let's keep the ripping of my flesh to a minimum, yeah?" he growled and crossed his arms.

The man shrugged and began peeling and poking.

Dom raised his eyebrows at Billy and burrowed into his magazine, dog-earing the pages with Calvin Klein men for later perusal. Alone. Billy kept his eyes carefully trained on the floor and tried to keep his breathing quiet and unobtrusive.

Elijah had spent the day trying and failing to argue about sneaking through the Black Gate, and was highly frustrated with his behavior and performance. Peter hadn't commented in the end, and just ushered them back into the van.

"We'll get it right tomorrow, gents," he'd said bracingly.

Now, in Feet, his scalp was burning and his eyes were tired and he wanted to scream badly. Then sleep for a month.

He left the trailer, wrinkly-toed and red-eyed, and sloughed across the car park. He heard Orli calling after him, but kept his head ducked down and walked faster.

A rapid thump of footsteps was the only warning before a body slammed solidly into his back, knocking his knees forward and almost pitching him headlong into the asphalt. Orlando caught him easily, wrapping his arms around Elijah's waist, and walked them forward a few steps, guiding Elijah's legs with his.

Elijah flapped his arms in indignation and wriggled out of Orlando's grasp.

"FUCKER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" He whirled around and bellowed an inch from Orlando's chin.

Orlando's body went rigid and his cheeks and nose flushed pink. He took a few steps back and dropped his arms.

"I was just happy to see you," he mumbled and walked backwards a little more, "sorry." He turned on his heel and jogged away, leaving Elijah to feel like the world's worst ass.

"Wait--" he called to Orli's retreating back, but gave up and groaned loudly, digging his fists into his eyes.

***

Orlando plodded dejectedly through the canteen the next morning, throwing himself onto a bench beside Dom.

"What's been eating Elijah?" he asked, picking at an orange.

"Pubic lice," Billy deadpanned through a mouthful of granola. Dom snorted into his Cocoa-Puffs, spraying milk across the table.

Orlando scowled and crammed a section of orange into his mouth.

"Is he having a bad week, or what?" he questioned thickly, and tossed a chunk of peel at Dom who was still snickering.

"I don't know, s'been a right cunt all day." Billy picked up his coffee and blew into it. "Why?"

Orlando opened his mouth to mutter something nonchalant, but a flustered-looking production assistant hurried over before he could, and ushered him off to filming.

***

Later that night, Orlando, Dom and Billy sat around the canteen waiting for Elijah, who was meeting with Barry. Dom was biting a styrofoam cup, making loopy designs around the lip. Billy sat, bored and restless, shifting in his seat every ten seconds.

"Where th'fuck is Elijah?" Billy growled, crossing his legs and hitting his knee against the underside of the table. He cursed loudly and rubbed his leg, scowling.

"I'm here," Elijah called breathlessly, jogging up to them in jeans and a black button-down shirt.

Orlando smiled warily, trying to gauge Elijah's mood, and when he grinned widely in return, something unknotted in the pit of Orlando's stomach and smoothed out warm.

Orlando had a ballpoint pen in the pocket of his sweatshirt, and as they walked to Billy's car, he clicked it open and closed and then open again. He and Elijah crawled into the back seat, half a foot of furry-soft seating separating them.

The car pulled out onto the highway, and Orlando tried to draw an "E" on his thumb one-handed.

Elijah shifted, tucking his right foot under his left thigh, and that brought them closer, knees brushing; Orlando stared out his window, not really seeing anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're very touchy-feely when you're inebriated."

Orlando could feel the music thumping through the bathroom walls. He stared into the shaking mirror, watching the edges of his face vibrate and shimmer. He washed his hands and shook them, then ran them across his skull, leaving dark streaks in the stubble. Stretching his arms over his head, he arched like a cat and twisted his neck, feeling glorious pops all down his spine. Right. Back to the dancefloor for one more drink and then home. The back of his head was beginning to ache, and he was looking forward to slipping into his cool, soft sheets.

He turned toward the door and just as he reached for the grimy handle it turned. Two hobbits and an anonymous male who very much resembled a model stumbled through, guffawing and whooping giddily.

Elijah collided with Orlando and pitched them back a few steps, laughing harder. He clutched Orlando's shirt-front in one hand and the other wound around his neck.

"Orli!" he chirped, and giggled again as Dom tripped over the random man's feet, tumbling them into a toilet stall with a muffled "Fuck!".

Orlando grinned, and petted Elijah's hair affectionately. He carefully disentangled himself from Elijah's wriggly grasp and steadied him on his feet.

"Heading out soon?" Elijah smiled and walked shakily to a urinal.

"Thought I might," Orlando mumbled, and pumped a few paper towels to crumple in his already dry hands.

"We can share a cab!" Elijah called over his shoulder.

"Taxi," Orlando smiled.

"Whatever. Dom wants to stay," Elijah paused and waggled his eyebrows, "and I think Billy still wants to blow off some steam."

Orlando nodded to Elijah's profile and waited obediently as Elijah finished up and stumbled to the sinks to wash his hands. Orlando watched while Elijah unconsciously mimicked Orlando's earlier movements, running his hands through his hair and stretching his back.

Elijah let out a loud groan mid-stretch and slumped. He grinned and pointed to the row of cubicles; the door to Dom's rattled on its hinges and someone who wasn't Dom moaned brokenly from inside. Orlando blushed and Elijah grinned wider.

"Bye Dom!" He shouted obnoxiously, and was rewarded with a shaky two finger salute above the door.

"C'mon," Elijah sniggered and grabbed Orlando's hand.

They wound their way through the crush of bodies on the floor and darted into the night.

Orlando hailed a taxi while Elijah leaned against the brick and steel wall, lighting a cigarette. Orlando glanced back over his shoulder and saw Elijah take a drag and tilt his head back, smoke ebbing from his parted lips. Orlando swallowed and turned back to the street, snapping his fingers, only a little frantic.

A few minutes passed, and Orli finally got a green and white and brown taxi to pull over, and he and Elijah scrambled inside.

"No smoking," the driver grumbled and Elijah froze, anxiety in his eyebrows. Orli poked him in the shoulder and Elijah sighed and took a final drag, shoving the clove out the window. He pouted and slumped liquidly against the vinyl seat, one knee hitched over Orli's and his head tipped against the window. Orlando tried shifting for a more comfortable position without dislodging him. Elijah kicked his foot from time to time, knocking Orli's legs farther apart and rucking his own pant leg up. Orlando's gaze flickered down to Elijah's pale, exposed ankle. He was wearing pink socks.

"You're very touchy-feely when you're inebriated," Orli mumbled, tapping his fingers restlessly on the doorside ashtray. There was a crumpled gum wrapper and a lollipop stick wedged inside. Elijah kicked his foot again. Orli could feel Elijah studying him, and he fought the blush creeping up his neck and stared resolutely out the window. The seat squeaked, dipped and Elijah's head came to rest on Orlando's shoulder, arms wrapping loosely around his stomach.

"Yeah," Elijah sighed happily and rubbed his nose against Orli's shirt.

 

***

When they reached Elijah's house, Elijah was asleep and snoring, a small stream of drool escaping his lolling mouth and cooling against Orlando's neck. Orli nudged him with his tinglingly-numb arm, but Elijah just grumbled and snuggled closer, arms wrapping tight.

"Drive on," Orli murmured, and the driver clucked his tongue, but shifted back into gear and headed toward Orlando's beach house.

Orlando watched cars whiz by out his window, counted six black SUVs and three green sedans.

The taxi's tires crunched into his driveway and Orlando eased Elijah's arms open and popped open the door. He slid out and fumbled in his pockets, pulling out a crumple of bills. He tipped too much and ducked back inside the taxi, pulling on Elijah's limp arm.

Elijah spilled bonelessly out the door, and Orli had to swoop and catch him quickly under his armpits to prevent an Elijah-gravel collision.

He managed to get Elijah into a bleary-eyed stumbling consciousness and lead him towards the stairs. Elijah only stumbled on the first one and by the time they leveled out onto the deck, he was a little steadier and even stood on his own - against the wall - while Orlando fumbled the lock open.

Inside, the rooms were darkly blue, furniture reduced to indistinct shapes positioned perfectly for Orli to catch his thighs against while Elijah wobbled his way through unscathed.

Once in his bedroom, Orlando flopped Elijah down onto his bed and let him spill backwards onto the pillows. He pulled Elijah's shoes off, and his pink socks, then chastely unbuttoned his pants. He only had to tug them down to mid-thigh, though, before Elijah kicked them off himself, grunting annoyedly in his sleep. He rolled over and spooned one of Orlando's pillows.

With a quiet, amused snort, Orli backed into the hallway and walked through his kitchen to his living room, stopping before his refrigerator to drink orange juice from the carton. The floor was sticky, he noticed, and he vaguely wondered if he owned a mop.

In the living room, his couch beckoned, enticing with its cushy pillows and warm afghan. Orli left his sticky kitchen and paused before his couch, squishing his toes in his rug. He shrugged his shirt off and flipped open the buttons on his fly. The weight of his wallet and keys pulled his jeans to the floor and he stepped out of them and flopped sideways onto the couch, sighing in pleasure. Elijah's soft snores echoed through the open doorway and Orlando smiled into his pillow.

 

***

Orli woke up around eight, cock stiff and demanding attention. Rolling over, he just shifted himself against the cushion fabric to squash the ache, but the action made his skin burn and he punched his pillow. He sat up, scrubbing at his eyes in annoyance with his inability to ignore his raging morning hardon. Sighing, he swept his afghan aside and padded down the hall, peeking discretely into his bedroom.

Elijah was buried face-down in his pillows, sheet and duvet pulled up to his chin. Orli smiled again and made his way into the bathroom.

His shower stall was beginning to smell sour and he made a mental note to clean once Elijah went on his way. He turned the hot water tap on full-blast and stepped into the steaming rush. Water sluiced down his back and thighs and trickled behind his ears, and he stood open-mouthed and leaning against the stall while he let the feel of clean, wet heat soak his skin.

Two minutes he lasted, two minutes of restraint and finally wrapped his hand loosely around his cock. He jerked off lazily, enjoying the water and the cool tile against his forehead. Vaguely he remembered Elijah's sleepy grumblings and the low groans he made in the taxi. Sweet, spangling heat prickled behind his balls, and his hand sped up in response to the growing urgency.

Pushing one hand to the wall, Orlando stood upright again and began rocking his hips into his hand, fucking his fist and swaying under the water. Two more thrusts, four, seven, and he came, easing gently into his orgasm with the steam filling his lungs and fogging the shower stall glass.

He wasn't really thinking of Elijah. Or his boneless, easy stride when drunk. His kitten-snores or the blue-dark shadowy crease between his sleep-red cheek and the pillow. Not even his pink socks and the three inches of pale, bony ankle he wanted to run his tongue over and bite.

His cock pulsed enjoyably and Orlando cupped his balls gently, pulling every last piece of sensation through his skin. His fingers were becoming pruney, though, and his stomach began to growl.

Orli stood under the water a few more minutes before lathering the stripe of hair on his head and swiping robotically at his crotch with his soapy hand.

 

***

The inside of Elijah's mouth tasted like the bottom of his shoe. Vaguely, he hoped no one recalled the night he discovered what the bottom of his shoe tasted like, but wasn't too worried as that was the same night Dominic learned what Brazilian for "prostitute" was.

He woke up smacking his lips and scratching his completely hairless chest. He was in a bed that smelled very, very good. He shoved his face into the pillow beneath his head and inhaled. It was musky and dark, like sleep and skin and clean sweat. Elijah thought fuzzily for a moment and tried to remember who smelled exactly like this and it brought to mind tackle-hugs and toothy laughter.

"Orli," he mumbled and smiled slightly. Then he shot up onto his hands and stared at the pillow. Orlando's pillow. He was in Orlando's bed. The bedside table was covered in pictures of Orlando cuddling dogs and throwing himself from airplanes. Elijah flipped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to wake up completely. He was in Orlando's bed and it was morning. That means he slept there. All night.

The cab ride came back dizzily, and Elijah remembered nuzzling drunkenly into Orlando's neck. _You're very touchy-feely when you're inebriated_. Oh shit.

He went to peel back the covers and found himself looking down his naked torso. He didn't seem to be wearing any clothes. This also worried him as he was sure he wore clothes to the club the night before.

He looked around the bedroom dumbly and spied his shirt and jeans strewn across the floor. He slid out from under the duvet, landing on his hands and knees and winced. His head ached and his neck was sore, and he was wondering what the hell was going on. He attempted actually standing up, but his head objected violently and Elijah decided to just hold his head still for a little while. Groaning, Elijah just crawled over to his clothes and wrestled his way into them on the floor and hoped Orli didn't come in and see him wriggling like a fish with his trousers pulled halfway up his legs. Talk about awkward.

Elijah was missing his pink socks. He flattened himself to the ground and lifted the dust cover (Dust cover? Orlando was neater than he assumed. Or had a fabulous housekeeper...) and found one sock wadded up next to a purple combat boot and dragged it towards him. An opened, and empty, condom wrapper clung to it and Elijah did a remarkable job of not pissing himself.

He dropped the sock and reached around to paw his ass frantically. Didn't feel... used. He fumbled his way to his crotch and then immediately felt stupid. What was feeling his cock going to accomplish? Aside from twitching happily at being handled, his penis felt normal and well... mostly flaccid. Right. Time to get off the floor.

Once he pulled his shirt on and tore the bed apart for his other sock, which he found under The Pillow, his stomach gave an angry squirm and he decided to leave quietly and grab some breakfast at a beachside cafe around the corner. Then he could call a cab. _Taxi_, Orlando's voice sprung to mind. Oh great.

Elijah opened the door carefully and smelled coffee wafting down the hallway. Something else smelled fantastic and wheaty, and Elijah almost rethought his decision to leave quietly. One cup of coffee, he told himself. Then the taxi.

Random Latin music was blaring and a particularly sharp trumpet blast startled Elijah as he walked by the stereo.

He peered around the kitchen doorway and spied Orlando wiggling his towel-clad hips to the beat, waving a spatula and snapping his long fingers. A small towel, at that. With nothing else but water droplets shimmering on his shoulders. Elijah swallowed nervously. The towel was slipping.

"Ahem," Elijah coughed and blushed. Orlando whirled around, grinning, and sambaed over to Elijah, kissing him sloppily on the cheek, seemingly not noticing Elijah's discomfort. Elijah touched his face and stared quizzically at Orlando.

"Payback," Orlando said and handed Elijah the spatula. "Gonna go get dressed, make yourself useful and flip those," he nodded to the stove, and bobbed his way through the door.

Elijah stood dumbly in the middle of the room before the smell of pancakes registered. Erm. Naked Orlando kissed him on the cheek. And he was naked. And he smelled fantastic. Elijah stumbled to the stove and turned it off. He set the pancake turner down gently and scratched the side of his nose.

No coffee for him, he decided, and when Orlando came back to the kitchen with a towel around his head, he found gently smoking pancakes and no Elijah in sight.


	3. Misunderstood 3/6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are an animal."

Orlando stood in his doorway and stared at his empty kitchen.

His towel was damp and clinging to his shoulders, obscuring half of his view. Elijah was gone. Why?

At least he'd turned off the burners because Orlando was not a culinary genius and it was only a matter of time before he remembered he had been making pancakes, and that could take days.

Well. Elijah was gone. Orlando decided he would call him later and see if he was feeling all right. Maybe he was hung-over? That must have been it. The music and the food was probably too much for Elijah's head and stomach.

But why didn't he just say something? Orlando was more than willing to turn the music off and just make some really strong coffee, Elijah should have known that.

Orlando rubbed his hair reflectively and tossed the towel to hang from one of his kitchen chairs.

***

Orlando arrived on set at three o'clock that afternoon. They needed the evening light for various outside shots, and then he and Viggo were going to rehearse battle scenes for Helms Deep.

Once out of makeup, Orlando found Dominic and Billy cackling evilly and throwing things at the base of a tree. It wasn't until he got closer that Orlando realized they were chucking bits of fake leaves into Elijah's open and softly snoring mouth.

Orlando rolled his eyes and settled himself into a chair next to Viggo, who was listening to a discman, eyes closed and twitching his hips. There was a rhythmic 'zip zip zip' of his Aragorn cloak against the canvas chair and a ticking counter-beat where he tapped the armrest.

"Oi," Orlando spoke normally.

Viggo didn't respond, and began humming along off-key.

"OI!" Orlando flicked him on the cheek and startled Viggo out of his chair. He slid onto the ground, arms flailing. The discman hit the floor and popped open, "Abba's Greatest Hits" flying out into the underbrush.

"Hi," Orli grinned, and crossed his legs. Viggo growled and patted the ground around his chair for his precious CD.

"Hello to you too," came dejected reply from somewhere around Orlando's left foot. Orlando just clucked and snatched the hat from Viggo's head.

Someone howled angrily behind him and Orlando swiveled in his chair to see Elijah chasing Dom across set, cloak flapping wildly behind him.

Dom giggled with unrestrained glee and started running circles around Orlando and Viggo's chairs, Elijah following closely, an uninterrupted stream of curses flying from his mouth. Dom took refuge behind Orli, gripping his shoulders and shrieking in laughter.

Orlando slapped at his hands uselessly, laughing despite the furious glare on Elijah's flushed face.

"YOU THREW ROCKS INTO MY MOUTH, FUCKERS!" Elijah screamed and finally took a flying leap, tackling Orlando backwards to get to Dominic just as he dodged out of the way. Orlando screamed like a girl and grabbed frantically at Elijah's hips.

The chair wobbled dangerously and Elijah's eyes widened hugely, realizing it was going to topple at any moment. He clutched his arms around Orlando's neck and hung on for dear life as the back legs gave way and they clattered backwards in a flurry of cloaks and kicking legs.

"OOF!" Orlando wheezed as Elijah settled painfully onto his chest. He couldn't breath and winced as Elijah's elbow jammed him repeatedly in the left armpit.

"Erm..." Elijah patted Orlando awkwardly. "Hi."

"Hi," Orlando squeaked.

"Fancy meeting you here."

"Indeed."

"Your breath smells nice."

"Thank you."

"Do you want me to get off of you now?"

"Whenever is convenient for you," Orlando petted Elijah's hair gently and grimaced.

Elijah flushed and cleared his throat.

"Right," he muttered and rolled off Orlando slowly.

Dominic was peering cautiously around an Uruk-hai from a safe distance.

"Alright, guys?" he called and ducked back behind the hulking form in latex and black paint.

"Fuck you!" Elijah yelled over his shoulder and staggered to his feet.

"I think I'm broken," Orlando groaned and tried to wiggle his toes. "Are my feet moving? Oh god, take me to Casualty."

"You're fine," Viggo grumbled and hauled him upright, dusting him off and picking up his chair for him.

"I thought I was dead, Vig, that hobbit weighs more than he looks." Orlando collapsed into the chair and wiped his hand shakily over his eyes.

"Sorry," Elijah scuffed his foot against the floor. His eyes were downcast and his face still flushed.

"You are an animal," Orli gasped. His wig was disheveled and leaves were clinging to the blond locks. His cheeks were flushed despite his makeup.

Elijah caught himself staring with his mouth open and he blushed.

Orlando arched his back and clutched at his hip, pushing his chest out, moaning that he might never walk again.

Elijah felt a shock of arousal flare up in the pit of his stomach and had to clear his throat to dispel the surge of heat up the back of his neck. He ducked his chin against his shoulder and scowled at Billy who was peeking around a tree.

"You guys are so dead," he growled and huffed off to his trailer. He plopped heavily onto the aluminum steps and kicked leaves around with his hobbit foot.

"I swear, he's fucking feral," Elijah heard Orlando whine to Viggo, and he frowned at his latex toes.

***

"Hey, Orlando," Elijah said tentatively, de-hobbited and shuffling awkwardly behind Orlando's makeup chair.

"Huh?" Orlando looked up into the mirror and smiled when he saw Elijah. "Hey."

Clearing his throat, Elijah scratched his nose.

"I'm sorry I tackled you earlier," he mumbled, eyes trained on Orlando's left shoulder.

"Nah, It's all right." Orlando grinned wider, "Took a page out of Viggo's book, yeah?"

Elijah laughed at that and looked up, meeting Orlando's gaze.

"Something like that, yeah," he cleared his throat straightened his wild hair absently.

"What's up?" Orlando cocked his head to the side peering at Elijah through the mirror.

"What? Oh, nothing," Elijah stammered. He waited a beat, then suddenly, "Do you want to get a beer later?"

Orlando watched him for a moment and grinned.

"Sure," he reached back and poked Elijah in the stomach. Laughing awkwardly, Elijah ducked his face and motioned vaguely to the door.

"See you outside, then?" his face flushed when Orlando nodded and smiled reassuringly.

"I'll wait in Craft." Elijah said.

"Okay,"

"Okay."

"See you, then," Orlando grinned.

Elijah stood still for a moment, smiling softly and watching the makeup tech swab gently at Orlando's ears with a cotton swab.

Orlando raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Right!" Elijah snapped back into focus and half-waved.

"Bye," Orlando murmured, gaze now obscured by his wig-lady.

"Bye!" Elijah whispered and ducked out the door. He missed Orlando's very pleased blush.

***

So. Elijah asked Orlando out for a beer.

A date?

A beer. Period. He wasn't treading into the murky territory of boys and kissing them. Yet.

Though, Elijah decided, that if he were to kiss a boy Orlando would be the boy to kiss. Unless he already had. Unless he had already _had sex_ with Orlando.

Elijah felt faintly sick at the thought. Perhaps he felt ill though, because he couldn't remember it and Elijah was really hoping that if something _did_ happen, it was more memorable for Orlando than it was for him. Whatever they did.

Elijah picked thoughtfully at the paper covering the table in front of him. A can of soda sweating dark rings into the white paper sat in front of him, and he lifted it to take a sip.

A warm hand settled between his shoulder blades and Elijah pitched forward to catch errant drops escaping his lips. He turned back and swiped his wrist across his mouth.

"Hi," Orlando grinned down.

Elijah smiled back and offered Orlando the soda, head cocked to the side, eyebrows raised.

Orlando took it and sniffed cautiously before smiling again and taking a huge swallow, throat rippling. Elijah's mouth went dry for a moment. Orlando set the can down and let out a little burp, giggling and covering his mouth.

"S'cuse me," he laughed and tugged Elijah's jacket sleeve. "Ready?" he scooped his hand, waited patiently for Elijah to stand up, and they headed to the car park together.

"Where are we off to, hmm?" Orlando scratched his head and stretched, walking in long easy strides across the grass.

"I dunno," Elijah shrugged, "to get a beer. Feel like dancing?" He tripped over an errant rock and hoped he hid his stumble.

"Nah," Orli yawned, "too tired to dance." He yawned again as they came up to his jeep and he circled around to Elijah's side, unlocking the door. He doubled back and peeked through the back window, spying Elijah reaching over to Orli's side and pushing the door lock open.

Orlando smiled and jingled his keys in his hand.


	4. Misunderstood 4/6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I meand do do dat."

Elijah wove his way through the crush of people at the bar, bumping his hip on chair-backs and tripping once on a table leg.

He bobbed around a wood column and spied Orlando at their booth, hunched over a stack of beer-mats and a handful of loose change. Elijah watched Orli place one mat on top of an empty glass, and two pennies next to each other on the mat. Orli looked up and grinned at Elijah coming towards him, and with an obviously practiced flick, spun the mat upwards. It flipped in the air and one penny skittered into the glass with a jingle. The beer-mat flopped half-onto the glass again, the other penny landed on top close to the edge, and tipped the mat back onto the table. Orli clenched his eyes shut and let out a disappointed 'oh!'.

Elijah laughed and set the two glasses he was carrying down, one in front of Orlando's failed trick.

"I can usually get them all dead-center," Orlando grinned, digging his fingers into a bowl of peanuts between them, and shrugged easily. "Not my night, apparently."

"Nah," Elijah yawned, "looked pretty impressive to me."

Orlando laughed.

"Well, no offense, mate," he started and took a sip of his beer, "but, you're American."

Elijah's mouth popped open in indignation and super-quick, Orlando tossed a peanut inside.

"Two points!" he shouted and threw his fists in the air.

Elijah laughed brightly and cracked down on the legume, grinning.

"Weirdo," he cackled. Orlando giggled himself calm, and picked up his pint, sighing happily around the rim.

"What time is it?" Orlando asked, leaning back, tilting the chair onto two legs.

"Eh," Elijah dug around in his pockets for his cell phone for a second before pulling it out and peering at the display. "Eleven thirty-two," he yawned and tucked it back into his jeans.

"Ah," Orlando sighed and tipped forward again. "Let's get you home, man. Don't you have to be up in like, four hours?"

Elijah nodded through another massive yawn and stretched. His t-shirt rode up slightly, revealing his pale belly, a reddened crease cutting across just above his navel. Orlando coughed into his hand and turned his face, blushing ever so slightly.

Elijah didn't notice, and stood slowly, hunching over the table dramatically and heaving himself upward with a massive groan.

"Oh, you're so old and feeble," Orlando rolled his eyes. "Go break your back and then come whinging to me, yeah?" he snickered and pushed Elijah's head down to bonk gently on the table.

"Owww," Elijah whined and rubbed his forehead. "Wanker," he muttered and patted his pockets to make sure he had his keys and wallet and phone.

"Ready?" Orlando stood by the door, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. Elijah thought vaguely that he looked very young. Shaking his head mentally, he grinned and double-stepped over, slinging his arm around Orlando's neck.

"Yep!" he chirped and started skipping away, still attached to Orli.

"Oiiii," Orlando drew the word out, ducking his head out from under Elijah's grip and darting his hands forward to squeeze-pinch Elijah's waist.

"GAH!"

Elijah took off at a run, hampered slightly when he tripped over his own feet and smashed headlong into the closed door.

***

"I meand do do dat," Elijah stated, rubbing his face in the parking lot. His eyes were watering and his nose stung something awful.

"Sure," Orlando flashed a toothy grin and opened Elijah's door for him. "Can you see to get in there? Need a hand fastening your safety-belt?"

"Shud id," Elijah grumbled, "Id's your fauld adyway."

"I didn't know you'd go pitching into the door!" Orlando slung himself into his seat and clipped his seat belt. "Are you bleeding?"

Elijah pulled his hand away and sniffed wetly. No blood. Lots of snot.

"Doe." Elijah wished he had a tissue. He sniffed hugely again.

"Good. No major injuries on the first date." Orlando quirked his mouth and started the motor. Elijah fought the urge to throw himself into Orlando's lap and simultaneously vomit all over him. He compromised by sniffing again and watching Orlando shift into gear and edge slowly out of the car park. An eighteen-wheeler horned past them on the highway and Orlando flipped his middle finger up. "Bloody juggernauts." he grumbled and turned on his headlights.

"Whad?" Elijah gave a little incredulous laugh.

"What?" Orlando asked distractedly.

"Bloody whads?"

"Juggernauts."

"Da fuck?" Elijah giggled messily, having to sniff again to prevent snot from dripping down his upper lip.

"Trucks?" Orlando offered, changing lanes frantically.

"Weirdo," Elijah smiled and sniffled.

"Am not!" Orlando darted quick glances at Elijah. Elijah stared at him and sniffed again. Orlando looked over and grinned.

"Do you want a tissue or something?"

"Yeah, blease." Elijah looked around hopefully, peering into the back seat.

"Uh, look in this thing, there might be a few serviettes." Orlando thumped his left hand on the console between them. Elijah pried it open and looked inside. Five minutes later of heavy sniffing and frantic rummaging, he came up with a few fast-food napkins.

"These," he waved them around to catch Orlando's eye. "are paber dabkins."

"Listen, mate," Orlando laughed, "the English invented the language, so I'll be the one correcting usage, yeah?"

Elijah blew his nose and hummed skeptically, then stuffed a napkin inside his left nostril.

"Cute," Orli said and turned onto Elijah's street. They pulled up to the house and Orlando parked, wrenching the hand-brake up.

Elijah didn't move to get out. He took the tissue out of his nose and sniffed again, no longer leaking. He twisted the last napkin in his hands, staring at it and throwing furtive glances at Orlando.

"What's up?" Orlando cocked his head sideways and turned in his seat. Elijah shifted as well, looking right at Orlando and swallowing. He opened his mouth and hesitated, then snapped it shut and shook his head.

"Elijah?"

"I'm not gay," Elijah blurted, blushing hard and ripping the napkin. Orlando's concerned face morphed at once into dismay and then settled into an impassive glare.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Orli asked shortly, feeling cold sweat prickle up his neck and scalp.

"I'm - " Elijah started but instead darted forward and pushed his mouth against Orli's sloppily, lips smearing off-kilter and awkward. Orlando froze, completely stunned, before relaxing slightly, cupping Elijah's face with slightly shaking fingers and taking back a small bit of control.

He held Elijah's mouth firmly to his and gently pushed his tongue forward, lapping tentatively at the seam of Elijah's lips. Elijah squeaked and Orlando slid his tongue inside slowly, something sharp spiking up hot in his groin. He tilted his head in another direction, dimly aware of the fact that this might never happen again, what with Elijah's recent frantic behavior and the fact that he himself might just explode any second.

For a long moment the only sounds were the wet click of their mouths and the long zip of Elijah's stubby nails scraping down the sleeve of Orlando's jean-jacket. Orli worked his jaw carefully. It was perfectly divine.

Elijah pulled back finally with a wet click, Orlando trying to follow his lips. Elijah sat for a moment with his eyes closed and his fingers twined in Orlando's jacket.

"What?" Orlando asked breathlessly, searching Elijah's face. Elijah's brow was furrowed and he licked his lips once. Twice. And he pulled away completely, face flushed. He fumbled for the door latch and scrambled outside.

Orlando watched him scramble up the porch steps and into the house, door clanging shut hard.

"_What?_" he asked the empty car.


	5. Misunderstood 5/6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Does it bother you?"

The next morning found Orlando in the craft tent between Dominic and an Orc of epic proportions. He didn't eat much of his cereal or drink his orange juice. Elijah hurried past them, barely sparing them a glance, and Orlando couldn't suppress the ache in his belly at seeing Elijah's flushed cheeks. He ducked his chin down and swallowed.

"What's up, Oooorleh?" Dom asked thickly through a mouthful of apple. Orlando didn't answer at first, lost in thought.

"Orlando?" Dom poked his arm. Orlando's head snapped around and he noticed Dom for the first time.

"Hi mate," he attempted a smile and looked away.

"What's going on?" Dom took another enormous bite of his apple, juice leaking down his chin.

"Eh?" Orlando looked around again blankly before shutting his eyes and shaking his head. "Oh... no. Nothing. I didn't... erm. I didn't get much sleep last night, I suppose."

"Okay." Dom shrugged and chomped on his apple some more, staring at the side of Orlando's face. Orlando's eyes slid to the side and spied Dom staring.

"What?" Orlando snapped.

"You look like shite," Dom answered, oblivious to or uncaring of Orlando's irritation.

"Ohffff," Orlando sighed and scrubbed at his eyes, pulling at the skin at the corners and spreading his nose apart. "I'm getting some coffee," he muttered and got up from the table, joining the queue in front of the carafes near the entrance. There were two or three people clustered around the small table and he stood waiting, not quite sure he was even in the mood for coffee at all.

The crowd eventually parted and Orlando stepped up, thumbing a styrofoam cup off the top of the stack and busying himself with the spout of the large coffee pot. The stream was weak and Orlando had to tilt the container toward himself to get a stronger flow. Someone settled in next to him, reaching for a cup and setting it down a little to the side.

"Won't be a moment," Orlando murmured and set the pot level again, reaching for the cream.

"Orlando," Elijah spoke quietly next to him.

Orlando's head snapped around and he slopped lukewarm coffee onto his hand.

"All right?" he said automatically, flushing and turning back to sop up his rapidly cooling drink.

"I'm fine, thanks," Elijah responded, not understanding. He reached across Orlando for some sugar packets and emptied four into his cup. Orlando settled into an unpleasant realization. Elijah's determined airiness was unnerving.

"Tell me something, Elijah," Orlando leaned against the table and studied the younger man.

"Uh, what?" Elijah looked back warily.

"How old are you?"

Elijah stared at Orlando for a moment, eyes bright and expression unreadable, before swallowing and saying, "Eighteen."

Orlando nodded slowly, chewing the side of his mouth. He stirred his drink and tossed the plastic stick into the trash. He picked up the coffee, took a sip and walked away.

***

Elijah found Orlando later in the parking lot. Orli was smoking reflectively, hands in his pockets and hunched against his jeep, cigarette clamped between his lips.

"Hey, Orli!" Elijah called, starting to jog toward him, and then deciding better of it, settling for a fast walk. Orlando straightened and took a pull, exhaling lazily and squinting at Elijah through the smoke.

"Hi," Orlando raised an eyebrow. He waited patiently for Elijah to come closer and stole a moment to study him. The skin around Elijah's hairline was pink and flushed, matching his ears and the inch of pale ankle Orlando secretly knew peeked over the top of Elijah's socks.

It seemed like such a private thing, the knowledge of Elijah's ankles. Orlando had been collecting private things for some time. The way Elijah smelled in the morning, like sleepy breath and stale coffee. Elijah's careful organization of his precious CD's: Genre, then artist, then album.

Elijah came to a stop before Orlando and put a hand in the air to shield the light from his eyes.

"Hello," Elijah spoke, gently out of breath.

The color of Elijah's eyes when he was drunk.

"Hi," Orlando said again, unhappy to find he had adopted a stiff tone.

Elijah seemed to notice it as well and took to examining his shoe.

"Look," Orlando began, but Elijah flapped his hand impatiently and looked straight into Orlando's eyes.

"I'm just... confused, I think." he stammered.

"About?" Orlando felt his heart shudder and his stomach iced over. He switched hands, sunlight warming his arm brightly.

"You." Elijah said simply and his face flushed in patches across his cheeks and neck.

"What-" Orlando cleared his throat and swallowed, "what about me?"

"You make me feel... um. Strange."

"Strange," Orlando repeated.

"Yeah," Elijah nodded vigorously.

"Strange like how?" Orlando smiled, stepping forward and lowering his arm. He looked at Elijah's ears and neck and mouth, not bothering to hide his open adoration. A drop of sweat trickled down from behind Elijah's left ear, and Orlando licked his lips.

Elijah wiped at the sweat nervously and huffed out a half-laugh.

"Like when you look at me like that," he grinned hastily and looked away.

"No one's ever looked at you like this?" Orlando took another step closer.

Elijah stared over Orlando's shoulder, eyelids fluttering. His gaze flickered to Orlando's face and back, settling somewhere around Orlando's chin.

"No," he whispered and met Orlando's eyes.

"Ah," Orlando nodded slowly and took a final step forward, nearly pinning Elijah against his Jeep.

"Does it bother you?" Orlando lowered his voice to a murmur and trailed his thumb deliberately from Elijah's elbow up under the sleeve of his t-shirt. Elijah bit his lip and cocked his head to the side, as though he was listening to the clinging pull of Orlando's hand on the smooth skin of his arm.

"Elijah?"

Elijah shook his head slowly.

Orlando quirked his mouth gently and leaned in, pressing a clinging, sweet kiss to the inside shadow of Elijah's eyelid.

"Hmm?" he breathed and skimmed his mouth further downward, stopping at the soft corner of Elijah's lips to push another gentle kiss.

"Yeah," Elijah breathed and brought his face upward, joining their mouths together.

Orlando's heart shuddered violently and the noise of cars and megaphones and the buzzing of insects whirred to silence. He brought a shaking hand to skim up the pale column of Elijah's throat and tip his head further back. He could feel Elijah swallow and his fingers slid up to fan gently around Elijah's ears and the back of his neck.

Elijah sighed deeply through his nose and Orlando took another step in, daring to push his tongue against the seam of Elijah's mouth. He waited for a moment, barely licking Elijah's bottom lip, letting Elijah decide what to do next.

Then he felt the hinge of Elijah's jaw work slowly, opening his mouth and sucking Orlando's tongue inside. Orlando moaned helplessly, a short, tortured sound and Elijah seemed to grow bolder, more confident.

He pushed up onto his toes, grasping the front of Orlando's shirt, and tilted his head to the side for an entirely sweeter angle.

Orlando grunted happily and with his other hand, abandoned Elijah's arm to grasp his neck and hold Elijah's mouth to his.

They stood there for long, quiet stretch of time, kissing slowly and methodically. Their breath hissed gently through their noses and Elijah whimpered over and over again.

His hand stayed gripping Orlando's shirt, pulling tighter and tighter until Orlando had to finally pull back, grinning and panting, gently easing Elijah's fingers from his shirtfront. He chuckled gently and opened his eyes to see Elijah's still closed and his lips slightly puckered. Orlando dropped another quick kiss on Elijah's mouth and then quick, light kisses on his cheeks and nose and forehead, coming back to Elijah's mouth last.

"Okay?" Orlando murmured.

"Mmmwhat?" Elijah's eyelids finally eased open and he blinked a few times, eyes glassy and unfocused.

"Do you want a ride home from the pub tonight?" Orlando laughed, standing half a step back and peering into Elijah's face.

"Uh," Elijah looked lost for a moment, "what? Pub?" Then comprehension seemed to dawn and he shook himself, "Yes, tonight. That'd rock."

"Okay," Orlando grinned and dropped another sucking kiss on Elijah's mouth.

They disentangled and Elijah took a few steps away from Orlando. He still seemed dazed and he looked around, appearing to try to remember what he was doing being snogged in a parking lot next to Orlando's jeep.

"Go back to makeup, man, you've still got Frodo's breeches," Orlando urged and he gave Elijah a gentle push toward the set, snapping a suspender in farewell.

Elijah turned slowly and locked eyes with Orlando once more, grinning brilliantly, a dark, rosy flush blooming across his cheeks and nose.


	6. Misunderstood 6/6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah was on the case!

The trailer was relatively unoccupied, save one or two techs fiddling with a broken clothing rack in the far end. So, Orlando crept up behind Elijah, who was amusing himself with an electric razor, and tickled the back of his neck. Elijah squirmed and threw his head back, mirth making his eyes shine.

Orlando smiled upside-down at Elijah, bending over and planting a soft, giving kiss to the slight furrow between his eyebrows.

"Hiya," he straightened up and his lips made a wet click when he smiled wider. He dragged his index finger from the tip of Elijah's nose to his artificial hairline, still wet with glue.

"Hey," Elijah grinned back and spun his chair around, catching Orlando between his knees. He glanced around furtively and then switched off the razor.

Elijah stood and kissed Orlando quick and light on the mouth, looking extremely pleased with his almost-public display of affection. Orlando rolled his eyes and snagged the back of Elijah's neck, pulling him into a short, fierce snog, complete with tongue-sucking and lip biting. All in under five seconds.

Elijah blinked dazedly up at him.

"Damnit," he laughed and licked his lips.

Orlando smiled and cleared his throat, letting it smooth into a quiet 'mmm' and nodded.

"Tonight?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Do you want to stay over, after the bar?" Elijah seemed to find his razor very interesting.

"Can we braid each other's hair?" Orlando's eyes twinkled and he leaned in, pressing a warm kiss to the side of Elijah's flushed neck.

***

 

Orlando sidled up behind Elijah in the pub, wrapping a long, lanky arm around Elijah's middle. They molded together back to front and Orlando bent his head, tucking the warm bump of his nose against the back of Elijah's neck. Elijah smiled and turned his head, catching Orlando's mouth soundly.

"Oi," Dom crowed, "this is a public area, you dirty buggers!"

Orlando soundlessly flipped him off and continued kissing Elijah thoroughly for a few moments before slowly parting their mouths. He licked his lips and grinned around at their companions.

"You're just upset that the Elf Party has become exclusive," he scooped a handful of peanuts from a bowl on the bar and tossed one at Dom's nose.

"It's true," Billy chimed in, brushing salt from Dom's cheek, "he's a sore loser."

Elijah went very still, his face a mask of surprise and slight dismay. He turned and stared at Orlando, who was still preoccupied with throwing peanuts and dodging bits of beermats from Dom. Orlando quieted down and sipped his beer, looking down at Elijah finally.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing," Elijah turned stiffly back around and sipped his beer, his ears going slowly red.

Orlando looked at the side of Elijah's head for a few moments and then set his glass down with a wet thunk.

"Come here," he whispered and pulled Elijah through the press of cast and crew that had taken over the pub in the last half-hour. Elijah plodded behind somewhat reluctantly, walking slowly enough that Orlando had to keep pulling him forward until they reached a more secluded corner.

"What's the matter?" Orlando quirked his head to the side and tucked his arm around Elijah's shoulders.

"It's just... You never told me you were..." he broke off to look around covertly and gave Orlando a significant look, "You know. Before."

"Gay?" Orlando's face darkened, and he pulled back, crossing his arms, "Poufter? Shirt lifter? Flaming queer?"

"Shh!" Elijah flapped his hands.

"Elijah, we were just snogging in front of the whole pub, they all know WE'RE SHAGGING," he finished with a shout, drawing looks from nearby patrons, some sniggering into their drinks.

"We're not, yet," Elijah mumbled and stared moodily across the room.

"Yet," Orlando cooed, tucking his face down into the side of Elijah's neck. "Let's get out of here, hmm?" He nosed Elijah's cheek, and again when he didn't get a response.

"C'mooon," he whined, "You can't really be mad at me for not shagging Dom anymore."

He kept pressing his face into Elijah's until Elijah gave up and smiled back, his cheek pushing sideways on Orlando's nose.

"Okay," Elijah said, "Poofter."

Orlando grinned brilliantly and triumphantly, and scooped his hand, tilting his head toward the door. Elijah's mouth quirked at the conspiratorial glint in Orlando's eye, and gave a downwards, decisive jut of his chin. They joined hands again and wove back through the crowd towards the door, passing by the other hobbits without a backwards glance.

Elijah's heart started thudding deep in his chest at the thought that they were going Somewhere Else to Do Things. The teenage boy inside his pants leapt for joy, while the inexperienced side of him felt all the blood flush to his face. Things. Things with Orlando. Things! With Orlando!

Orlando's hand was very cool and strong wrapped around his. He could see the corners of Orlando's mouth twitching with excitement. Elijah felt his hand start to sweat, and coughed into his shoulder.

They burst out into the cool night air. The dewy hair at the nape of Elijah's neck curled in the humidity and the perspiration on his forehead felt clammy when he reached up to wipe his hair off it. Orlando patted his pockets for his keys with his free hand and they began to weave through the cars in the lot. Orlando's jeep was parked under a light. Elijah felt his shoulders begin to tense. Orlando switched his grip from Elijah's hand, to a loping arm over his shoulders, pressing a wet kiss to Elijah's hairline. It was the most natural thing in the world to wrap his arm around Orlando's waist and smile up into Orlando's cheek. _Things!_ They separated as they reached Orlando's jeep, Elijah almost tripping over the concrete blockade at the head of Orlando's parking space.

"Hang on a mo'," Orlando said suddenly, and followed Elijah around to the passenger side.

"What-" Elijah began, but had the words kissed right out of his mouth when Orlando pressed him bodily against the door, grasping Elijah's face with both of his hands. Elijah felt utterly pinned in place, and realized his fingers were digging into Orlando's back, and his feet fit neatly into the V between Orlando's. He knew Orlando was excited; he could feel it pressing comfortably into the space above his pelvic bone where his jeans rode low. Things! Now!

"Stop thinking so much," Orlando mumbled wetly against Elijah's lips.

"Oh," Elijah breathed, "Okay," He could see the gloss of Orlando's lips spreading into a grin, and then lost sight of them again when he was pulled into another long, delirious kiss.

They stayed there for what felt like a very long time, and when Orlando finally backed away and Elijah got into the car, he realized it had been at least fifteen minutes. He couldn't remember ever making out with someone for that solid an amount of time. His mouth felt mushy and numb, and his neck and ears were tingling with arousal. Orlando slid neatly into the car beside him and started the engine, pumping the clutch and easing out of the space.

They were on the highway a few moments later, careening in the direction of Orlando's house. Well, and Dom's and Liv's, but Elijah guessed they weren't about to go knocking on Liv's door at one in the morning.

Elijah kept tapping his fingers on the arm rest and picking at some fray in his jeans. Orlando changed gears and snagged Elijah's hand, pulling it to his mouth. He bit the knuckle of Elijah's middle finger, and licked down into the space where it met his palm. Elijah's breathing huffed out faster, the hand not in Orlando's grip sliding down to cover the bump of his own erection. Orlando looked completely absurd holding Elijah's finger in his mouth with his teeth and changing gears. Absurd and freaking _hot_.

Orlando dropped Elijah's hand to down shift and they were pulling up his driveway. He braked and turned slightly to face Elijah. His face was open and smiling, his head tilted and aware.

"Hi," Elijah said, licking his lips.

"Hi," Orlando said, and leaned across the distance, nudging his face into Elijah's.

Elijah pulled back and said quietly, "Orlando," and his lower lip buzzed where Orlando's brushed it barely.

"Yes?" Orlando pushed a little closer.

"I think I'm sort of gay," Elijah whispered.

"Thank Christ," Orlando huffed out and brought his mouth soundly against Elijah's. Elijah couldn't help smiling giddily, his head light.

They parted to open their car doors and Orlando walked around to the front of the jeep, waiting with his hand outstretched. Elijah considered his position for a minute. This was it. Things! Last chance to chicken out. Go home now, and jerk off alone for the rest of eternity.

Elijah took a deep breath and stepped forward, hand out and fingers lacing with Orlando's. Orlando's smile was beaming and ecstatic. He whirled around and tugged Elijah up the wooden steps to the front door.

They tumbled through the hallway and into the living-room. Everything was dark and blue. Moonlight was shining through the window blinds, leaving strips of silver over everything. Orlando left Elijah's side to drop his keys and shrug off his jacket.

"I'll be right back," he said and disappeared around the corner. Elijah saw a light come on, and heard rustling and banging.

"What are you doing?" Elijah called, kicking off his shoes and winding his way through the room to the hallway. He stood in Orlando's bedroom door, watching him scrape a pile of dirty clothing into the corner and light a single candle on his nightstand.

"Candles?" Elijah grinned, "what am I, a girl?"

Orlando waggled his eyebrows and waved his hand over the flame. "It's scented. My bedroom reeks."

"Ah," Elijah nodded slowly. He picked at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling at a stray thread.

"Elijah," Orlando said softly. Elijah looked up and grinned nervously. "C'mere," Orlando beckoned. Elijah took a deep breath and crossed the room. Orlando kept his arm outstretched, and when Elijah's shoulder met his hand, he scooped his fingers around the back of Elijah's neck and drew him into a long, wet kiss. Elijah stomach fluttered and he surged up onto his toes, biting harder into Orlando's mouth.

He began to shyly work his fingers under the hem of Orlando's shirt, rubbing into the warm skin above the waist of Orlando's jeans. He realized he could unbutton them easy,there'd be nothing to it. But he felt skittish thinking about it, and decided to continue groping instead. He smoothed his hands up Orlando's sides, and Orlando made a small hiccuping noise and they were falling sideways somehow, landing with a bounce on Orlando's bed. Elijah laughed then, and Orlando grinned, and started unbuttoning Elijah's shirt.

"Fuck that," Elijah snorted and ripped the whole thing up over his head, and watched it sail across the room. He looked back to catch Orlando staring at him in the most raw and hungry fashion. There was a moment when Elijah was almost afraid, and then they were rolling in the pillows, kissing short and fast and then Orlando's shirt was gone and there was just skin and hot breath and skin skin _skin_.

Elijah gasped when Orlando sucked his earlobe into his mouth and dragged his teeth in a slow, deliberate slide downward, working his jaw from side to side. Orlando's teeth clicked together faintly and Elijah let his head fall back.

They stared at each other for a moment: Orlando grinning like a fool and licking his lips, Elijah's eyes bright and full of glee.

"So," Orlando said.

"So," Elijah answered and cleared his throat.

Orlando tucked his face deliberately under the corner of Elijah's jaw. Elijah had almost forgotten how good it felt to have someone kiss and scrape and drag their mouth up and down the side of his neck, endless hours of adolescent scrambling and constant groping attention turning every inch of his body into erogenous zones. Fading hickies and teeth marks in various states of purple decorating his skin from jaw to collarbone. Wearing ridiculous scarves to hide the evidence from his mother, and laughing when Hannah touched the bruises with awe.

Of course, that had really only been last year.

Orlando was sucking voraciously at the point of Elijah's collarbone, and it was driving Elijah wild. His feet were moving restlessly against Orli's , his hands clutching and clawing at the sheets. Orlando's mouth made a ridiculous noise and Elijah laughed out loud, feeling a little foolish.

Real life wasn't like television. Elijah knew this, obviously; he'd been play-acting reality as long as he could remember. But sometimes, every once in a while, he hated the way things really were. There were tons of moments in his life that he thought could be vastly improved with a well-timed fade-to-black or the swelling of an orchestra. Like the time he and Orlando kissed first. Or when he got the part of Frodo. Coming to New Zealand and settling in would have made a fucking great montage.

And sex. Sex was awkward and fumbling where, in the movies, hands would be gliding knowingly to all sorts of fantastic places, and nothing would ever _stick_.

Mostly, Elijah felt like an idiot poking around where no one should be poking things. And if it didn't feel impossibly wonderful for a split second - oftentimes right after the awkward poking - he would have stuck to masturbation which, somehow, always felt righter than having a partner there to make you feel self-conscious.

Maybe it was the inherent loner in him talking. The point was, sex is sweaty and gross and absolutely delicious. Wasn't it? Elijah wasn't too sure about his reasoning at that moment; Orlando was doing sort of awkward, but mostly fabulous things to him.

Orlando kissed Elijah's chest and sat up to undo the button of Elijah's jeans. Elijah felt shaky, watching Orlando concentrate on moving the brass button through the button-hole, and slide down the zipper. The shifting cloth made Elijah's breath huff out.

"Ready?" Orlando licked his lips and tucked his fingertips under the elastic of Elijah's boxers.

"Yes," Elijah lifted his hips helpfully, and Orlando slid his jeans and boxers down and off Elijah's feet. Goosebumps sprang up on Elijah's thighs until Orlando started touching him again.

Once or twice, Orlando squeezed Elijah's side in a manner that made him giggle most un-sexily, but Orlando didn't seem to mind the laughter, and chuckled breathily himself. Their heads knocked together and that only stopped them for a moment because who cares about concussions when there are orgasms to be had? No one, that's who, not even Sean freaking Astin.

Elijah's thoughts were wrenched unhappily sideways at the thought of Astin in any sort of sexual position and he became distracted. For a moment. He opened his eyes to see Orlando's sweaty, flushed face making a ridiculous half-smile-grimace-wince that somehow managed to be unreasonably sexy. His thoughts were correctly centered again. Orlando tried to glide his hand up Elijah's stomach, but everything was damp and the skin of Orlando's palm clung unpleasantly to the dough-y skin of Elijah's belly.

Elijah couldn't have begun to care less, however, because Orlando's head was tipping downward and Elijah's heart began to hammer wildly into his throat in the way only impending blow-jobs could cause.

Time didn't slow, really, but things began to get very clear and every movement had a precise purpose for Elijah to examine closely. Orlando's lips parted, his saliva making them glossy, and his tongue peeked through them obscenely, wetting more and Elijah heard the click of skin moving and felt the warning press of heat in his balls before Orlando's mouth was anywhere near his cock.

He was going to come, he was going to come right then and there before they were even fully naked. He was still wearing socks! Orlando was still wearing his boxers! And then a multitude of ordinary thoughts came rushing into this head like an unwelcome hurricane. Hobbit feet and loud music and his sister on the subway and their mother stirring something in the kitchen and Viggo laughing and Orlando smiling across the room and Dom stealing his beer and Billy saying something too Scottish for Elijah to understand but he didn't _want to_ because Orlando's mouth was so close to touching but _not_ yet and finally Elijah felt sanity tearing itself away from him--

\--Cracked.

Orlando's mouth smoothed over the head of Elijah's cock. Something shattered and urgency's sharp edges started to claw their way out of Elijah's guts.

Orlando's mouth was like liquid fire. Soft and hot with the bright edge of teeth barely glinting on the tip.

Elijah had received plenty of blow-jobs in his eighteen short years. He'd always had a way with his various female costars and extras, but not a single one had ever made him so liquidly pliant. There was a smothered wet noise, and Orlando's small, unconscious grunts. Elijah began to pull at the duvet under his ass, bunching and releasing the cloth.

It felt like his spine was coming loose, like his guts were swirling and re-centering right behind his balls. Orlando was undoing all sorts of laws of nature with his mouth and Elijah could only gasp and writhe.

Who said sex wasn't perfect again?

"I'm... oh shit, Orli, oh shit shit shit," Elijah babbled, frantically, and felt his orgasm gathering in a deep swell. Orlando made a short, abortive noise and sucked harder, his cheeks hollowing.

"Nnnggggguh," Elijah came, shaking, in Orlando's mouth. His hips were making little digs in the air, Orlando still sucking on the tip of his cock. Elijah managed to raise his head and look, just catching Orlando letting him slip from between his lips and start a slither-crawl up his body.

"All right?" Orli husked, tucking himself down into Elijah's side. Elijah could feel Orlando's cock digging into his thigh and his stomach fluttered with the thought of touching it. It wasn't a bad flutter, really, just a... curious one. Elijah had never touched a cock that wasn't his own. He decided he'd like to. Like, right now.

"All right," Elijah said and struggled up onto his elbow.

"Whoa, you okay?" Orlando smoothed the palm of his hand up the side of Elijah's arm.

"Yes, now hold still and let me do this," Elijah gritted out in determination. He reached down and slid his hand into the slit in the front of Orlando's underwear to grab his - Whoa. Well. Yes, that was certainly a penis. Orlando jumped at the sudden contact, but then laughed and eased onto his back, letting Elijah have better access.

Elijah took a moment to consider his position in the world. He was naked, except for his socks, on Orlando's bed with Orlando who was just about as equally naked. Because it counts as naked when the only thing covering your private bits is doing nothing to prevent fondling.

Elijah was feeling pretty strange, but the strangeness was being canceled out by the fact that he was getting hard again, and Orlando's face was getting very red and he kept swiping his hands through his mohawk.

It was a weird, removed feeling, holding Orlando's cock. Elijah kept expecting to feel a hand sliding smoothly up and down his own penis. His fingers already knew that firm give, the way Orlando's skin slicked velvety and pliant over the under-presence of hardness. He felt silly and relieved to find that Orlando's precome looked just like his, and that if he moved his hand in a certain way, Orlando responded nearly as eagerly as Elijah did.

And he decided he liked it. A lot.

"Jesus fucking _Christ_," Orlando panted.

"Is it okay?" Elijah asked, tightening his grip.

"Shitshitshit, _yes_, but we could use some lube," Orlando flailed his hands in the direction of the bedside table.

"Uh, okay," Elijah let go briefly and scrambled over the bed to open the drawer and dig around. Condoms, a packet of cigarettes, some mini-bottles of tequila, a few scattered jelly babies, and finally, a tube of KY jelly. What in God's name did this man have planned?

"Christ, it's like a drawer of sin," Elijah muttered, crawling back over to Orlando and fumbling the cap open.

"Jelly babies aren't sinful," Orlando protested before throwing his head back and letting out a broken, animal groan. Elijah moved his hand again, sliding from the tip of Orlando's penis to the root, and down around and under his balls.

"What do you--" Elijah started to ask, not sure of how to really say, _How do you want me to **jerk you off** oh god I am so gay it is ridiculous I think I'd like to come again please_. Because there's really no suave way to put that.

Luckily, Orlando knew exactly what he meant, and flailed his hand for a minute, clearly distracted, before huffing out, "Fast and tight oh God,"

Elijah was on the case! He gripped tightly, and pumped his hand at a speed he usually enjoyed himself. He was very pleased when Orlando tossed his head back and forth, gasping for air, and clutching at what little hair he had on his head.

Orlando threw his head back and squawked, come pushing out of his cock in short, neat little spurts. Elijah stared at the fluid, watching it soak into the cotton fabric of Orlando's underpants. There was a drop clinging to the hair on his own wrist, and he was suddenly profoundly curious. So he lifted his hand off Orlando's softening penis, and up to his face. He caught Orlando staring intently out of the corner of his eye and faltered. The hungry look was back, and Elijah wasn't sure what he really meant to do, but decided to just _do it_.

Closing that last inch of space, he licked the globule up and swallowed it. The room was completely silent apart from Orlando's frantic breathing.

"Uhm," Elijah started.

"Just shut up and kiss me before I eat your face," Orlando stated, very matter of fact.

"Okay," Elijah grinned, and sank down next to Orlando's languid sprawl.

"Poofter," Orlando smirked, and nudged his lips against Elijah's.

Elijah felt light and giddy, and he wriggled himself closer and wrapped his arms and legs around Orlando.

"Yeah," he giggled.


End file.
